Posted 9:00pm, Tuesday, August 27, 2002

The return of the Unknown Comic?

No, not that paper bag wearing stand-up from the 70’s. (Am I aging myself here or what?) I’m talking about all these guys selling stuff on TV.

You know… the smug spokesmen that are obviously stand-up comics. Unfortunately for the advertisers, we don’t know who the fuck these comics are. Are we supposed to? Do the advertisers presume that we would know these bastards? Or worse yet, are we supposed to want to know?

They seem to want to build up these characters and make them familiar with consumers, yet they are unwilling to invest in real talent to sell their shit.

Like that annoying guy in the Subway commercials. Who the fuck is he? Are we supposed to recognize him? His cadence in delivery suggests he’s some sort of stand-up that the creative team discovered in a club. I watch Comedy Central all the time; I have no idea who that guy is. Maybe he’s fucking hilarious, but we’ll never know. The ad agency and the client have given him nothing funny to say.

Worse, that guy in the (Mexican fast food chain*) value menu spots. He goes around insulting people and their lack of knowledge in (Mexican fast food chain’s) value menu. Now, I know that guy is a comic; I saw him on Letterman and found him to be entertaining. But Jesus, the boring crap he spews in the name of selling tacos.

I guess it makes sense to try to create a star rather than hire one. Hell, why not? It worked with that Dell kid and the Seven-Up guy. At least the creative team gave him funny stuff to do. The commercials and a burgeoning movie career turned Orlando Jones into a minor star. Yet when it was time for Seven-Up to re-up (no pun intended) Mr. Jones, they opted not to pay him the big bucks. Instead they’re going with a new Seven-Up Yours guy, who by the way, isn't nearly as good as Orlando.

The flip side of this problem is actually hiring someone famous. I have to agree with an assessment I recently read regarding Kentucky Fried Chicken’s use of Jason Alexander as a spokesman. To paraphrase something I read somewhere, they’ve taken a quarter of the greatest comedy ensemble in the history of television and ruined his career. I do have to caveat this a bit. I think “Bob Patterson” put a bullet in his career, KFC simply finished it off.

Maybe it just runs in Jason Alexander’s blood. In researching this column, I discovered that He “sang and danced in a McDonald's ‘McDLT’ sandwich commercial in 1985.”
Hopefully his luck will improve when his voice appears in Disney’s “101 Dalmations II,” which is not to be confused with Disney’s “102 Dalmations” or Disney’s “Hunchback of Notre Dame II,” in which Alexander’s voice also appears.

Quite a niche you've carved out for yourself Jason.

*A note from the author: The name of the Mexican fast food chain has been omitted to protect my job.