| Posted 10:38 pm, Sunday, July 6, 2003 I was back from production for about ten days and tomorrow morning I'm heading back to L.A. for another round. This schedule didn't give me an opportunity to trash Los Angeles from the last trip. Lest you think I've burned all my wrath with Chicago, here's some choice words for my Southern California brethren. I hate L.A. See, I'm a lifelong Giants fan, and lifelong Giants fans hate L.A. But it goes beyond baseball. It comes from the whole SoCal attitude; the artiface. It's for good reason people associate Hell-A with plastic surgery. This is both a blessing and a smite. I enjoy the eye candy as much as the next guy. There's something reassuring to know that you can score with a hottie in L.A. as long as you have power. And I don't mean greenlight-a-movie power. I mean anything from being self-employed to driving a nice car. People are attracted to the material things down there. A big point of Northern-Southern contention.... Northern California's sick and tired of paying SoCal's way. Our standard of living is higher up here and subsequently, we have to subsidize L.A.'s lifestyle. Our gas prices are higher, though ultimately, they consume a ton more gas than we do. During the water shortages of the 80's, we had a cap on water usage. Most Northerners let their grass go brown, but a quick drive through the SoCal suburbs reveal acres of green lawns. Those damn fuckers. And the traffic... what is it about Angelenos that make them love their cars? Whether its the jam-packed freeways or the weekly televised car chases, people down here are obsessed with motor vehicles. And they love looking at shit. As the story goes, there once was a tarp caught in a fence by the freeway. People in both directions slowed down to look at this tarp, flapping in the wind. They backed up traffic for an hour to look at this inanimate object caught in a fence. My sister lives in L.A. She has become part of the whole L.A. lifestyle. Once my brother exited a restaurant with her. They decided to go dessert at a place half a block away from dinner. As my brother started walking, she called for the valet to get her car. "But the dessert place is right there, half a block away. I can see it!" Her reply: "no one walks in L.A." I guess Missing Persons were right. No one walks down there. During the last job, we got Giants-Dodgers tickets. We left for the stadium two hours early. We got stuck in Dodger Stadium traffic and didn't make it in until the third inning. Now I was always under the impression that Dodger fans were an impassive bunch. Fair-weather fans. Well those fans must've defected to the Angels because the Dodger faithful were loud, abusive dolts. They reminded me a lot of Raider fans. I saw three ejections, all Giant fans. The Giant fans were harassed to the edge of violence before they were deemed security risks and escorted out. Fucking Dodger fans. I don't even know if you can call Dodger baseball real baseball. First off, beach balls. Yeah, they still bat around fucking beach balls at Dodger games. Kinda fruity. Sick to my stomach, I was surprised that no one had started the wave.... oops, i spoke too soon. Someone started a wave. Crap. Could it get any worse? Yes. During the seventh inning stretch I rose to sing "Take me out to the ballgame." I would, of course, insert "Giants" where the SoCal fans would be singing "Dodgers." They ran through the song.... then they fucking sang it again. I turned to the Cubs fan next to me. Both of us were dumbfounded. Who the fuck sings "Take me out to the ballgame" twice!?! Ah well, another chance for me to shout my allegiance to the Giants. Several heads turned in my direction. "Fuck you, you fucking Dodger fan!" Well, that's what I said in my head at least.
In case you're ever in my neck of the woods, you've got to swing by the coolest comic book shop in the world, Isotope. The proprietor, James Sime has done more than anyone I know to encourage readership in comics. He hosts signings almost every week with great comic creators from all over the world (literally). A few months ago, he hosted writer Warren Ellis. Knowing Mr. Ellis was a scotch drinker, he lured him to the store with a night of scotch tasting. Over 30 labels were sampled. James has also hosted wine and cheese tastings in the store. Every Wednesday, on new comic day, he opens the bar and keeps the store open until 9pm. Some of his parties go until 5am. Pretty sweet for a comic book shop. When the cops come round, he usually charms them away and the party continues. Meet the staff at http://www.isotopecomics.com or visit the message board to check out the latest goings-on: http://forums.delphiforums.com/IsotopeLounge
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