Posted 5:15pm
pst, Sunday, March 27,
2005
Q:
What do Glenn Frey, Iron Chef
America, Stephen Chow and Eric
Clapton have in common?
A:
Guest Blogger: Passenger 58
(As
I ease back into things from my vacation,
here's a guest blog by Larry Chin,
a.k.a. Passenger 58, the author of
the incredibly deep Martial
Artist's Guide to Hong Kong Films.
- Ron)
Is there
anything more embarrassing than Glenn
Frey mewling "Euhhhh, Toyota!
T-O-Y! O-T-A!" in the California
Toyota dealership commercials? How
far Eagles fall.
The only
question is, did Glenn Frey lobby for
the job to write, play and sing the
awful track, or was he just the celebrity
plug-in, because someone at the ad
agency wanted to impress the client
with trip to Hollywood to freak with
Mr. Smuggler's Blues for an afternoon,
and leave with the guy's autograph?
Scary
thought: somewhere in a sound studio,
there is a tape that contains dozens
of different versions of him mewling "Euhhh,
Toyota!" with slightly different
emphasis on "Euhhh", "Eeeuhhhhhh", "ToyOHlta!", "TOYota"etc.,
and the muffled sound of account executives
asking him to change it to fit different
spot timings or taking issue with something
assinine. "Uh, Glenn, that was
a good one, but...we want a little
more, uh...enthusiasm...as in, surprise
or delight...on the 'Oh'."
Iron
Chef America. Jeez.
Take
overrated Food Channel chefs (none
of whom are in the same class as international
counterparts), bring on biased and
cuisine-stupid American judges (and
add one pompous, venmous turd who eats
with his fork reversed, with his elbows
on the table, Jeffrey Steingarten),
hire a "host" who serves
virtually no function (martial artist,
B-film star Mark Dacascos) except to
yell "Allez Cuisine!" (which
is non-language), and you have a program
as rigged as American presidential
elections.
Of course,
the American Irons win every time.
When you have judges who refuse to
eat a piece of sashimi because "they
prefer their fish cooked", it's
over. It's over anyway.
A while
back, I said Bobby Flay is an asshole.
He is still an asshole, a totally arrogant
piece of shit. To hell with his predictable
blue corn and salsa, and predictable
dipping sauce tricks.
Frankly,
all the celebrities on Food Channel
are annoying and unworthy of their
cult followings. I lobby for a new
dictionary definition for "annoying":
Rachael Ray. And, does anyone need
Sandra Lee to teach us how to open
packages?
People
ask me all the time, "what do
you think of Stephen Chow (Sing Chi)?", "why
don't you review 'Shaolin Soccer' or
'Kung Fu Hustle'?", etc. Simple
answer: I don't like him. Never have,
never will. I feel somewhat the same
about Jackie Chan, though Jackie belongs
in a much higher echelon.
The common
thread with both is that they are funny
men who have benefitted from a comedy
niche, and with all that popularity,
they have been blessed with mega-budgets
and power. And that in turn has given
them near-complete dominance in today's
very sad martial arts film universe.
What they say, goes, and sells like
wildfire, even when it is high-production
value garbage.
All I
can say is, it ain't about them. Not
to people who have the discerning eye.
Special
effects, loudness, laughs, severe undercranking,
hot wire work, flying, and Yuen Woo
Ping choreographed trickery do not
disguise the fact that some stars (Chow,
Chow Yan Fat, hell, Keanu Reaves) don't
belong in the same breath as the real
deal. Take away all of that expensive
production, put them in an empty room.
If you can't wow an audience that way,
then get out of the way. Get out of
the way for the guys who can---the
Bruce Lees, the Donnie Yens, the Sammo
Hungs, the Jet Li's.
Legions
of great martial artists and martial
performers in film as well as Chinese
television---who build the foundation
upon which freeloaders and band-wagon
drivers are squatting---remain disrespected
and unknown (relative to Chow and Jackie).
To a person, these are the ones who
could wipe the floor with Stephen Chow---and
look good doing it.
Old school is the only school.
Not just
one, but two, SBC commercials (one
TV, one radio) feature Eric Clapton's "Wonderful
Tonight". I don't know which agency
or creative team is responsible (nor
do I really give a shit), but it is
annoying, from the all-time overrated
Clapton, the painfully tired dumb guy-scared-of-girlfriend-he-must-impress
schticks, and the misuse of "Wonderful
Tonight".
Clapton,
a legendary pitiful head case and junkie,
had an obsessive jones about Pattie
Boyd, when Boyd was married to George
Harrison. He penned the ferocious "Layla",
about loving a married woman (Boyd).
Eventually, Boyd left Harrison for
Clapton, but the relationship soured.
Clapton wrote "Wonderful Tonight" at
the end of the affair, in an angry
mood. Clapton himself said:
"Wonderful Tonight" has
a little bit of irony in it. I didn't
write it in a particular good mood.
I wrote it because my wife was late
getting ready to go out. I was in
a foul temper about it." (Rolling
Stone, 25 August 1988)
This
irony was undoubtedly lost, to both
the creative team as well as the SBC
clients.
"
Wonderful Tonight" is not a "tender
ballad". It is not a love song.
It is a hate song. Play the song for
a woman, as the SBC (radio) commercial
suggests, and you are telling her that
you want to wring her neck.
As for
Clapton, he's a hell of a guitarist,
I'll grant him that. I won't even blast
him for being a shameless commercial
sellout (he and Santana share this
trait), because, okay, he's got drug
recovery clinics to fund. And I will
refrain from cringing at the thought
of hearing "Tears in Heaven" (which
became sickening after, oh, the first
time I heard it) again.
The problem
with Clapton is that he is the Great
White Hope of blues guitarists, and
who has made a career out of aping
and following (but never surpassing)
the greater black blues guitar legends
before him---Freddie King, Albert King,
etc. etc. I think he himself will admit
this, even if his fans don't (and have
no clue about much). He is also not
the greatest rock guitarist or greatest
Brit guitar god, or the greatest Yardbird.
(Jeff Beck is.)
::Permalink::
Posted 9:55pm
pst, Friday, March 18, 2005
Worst
headline ever
Dubya's
daddy thinks privatization is dumb.
Via The
New Republic:
GEORGE
H.W. BUSH DISAVOWS PRIVATIZATION:
... back in 1987.
Crack
TNR editorial assistant Ben Adler
recently fished this H.W. Bush quote
out of the TNR archives (from the
November 23, 1987 issue):
"I
think it's a nutty idea to fool around
with the Social Security system and
run the risk of [hurting] the people
who've been saving all their lives....
It may be a new idea, but it's a
dumb one."
For
those keeping score, the comment
came in response to a question from
fellow presidential candidate Pete
du Pont during a presidential debate.
Du Pont was an advocate of partially
privatizing the program.
"Some
of my best friends are neocons."
-Senator Joe Lieberman, The New Yorker,
3/21/05
Yet
another reason to throw Joe to the
hounds.
I'm
heading off to Hawaii in the morning,
but will have the laptop with me.
Hoping to finally finish the first
draft of my screenplay. Maybe even
start jotting down notes for the
second one.
In
the interim, I'll probably post a
guest blog by Passenger 58.
::Permalink::
Posted 12:12pm
pst, Monday, March 14,
2005
The
World According To, Junior
Introducing The
World According To, Junior:
a lighter version of our regular
blog. This is the Blogger hosted
version of this site. Generally,
the content will be the same, but
without all the bells and whistles...
less jpegs, less links, etc.
I did
it to stake a claim to my username,
but also to create an XML feed of
the content for anyone using site feeds.
For the
record, you're reading the preferred
version of the site.
::Permalink::
Posted 11:20pm
pst, Friday, March 11,
2005
Extraordinary
Machine
What
a great start to the weekend. I just
discovered that the long-delayed Fiona
Apple album, Extraordinary Machine,
has been leaked to the internet.
I wrote about
this a few months ago. Sony's been
holding this back for over a year,
but a station in Seattle somehow got
their hands on it and now it's everywhere.
Major props to the Free
Fiona site for championing
the release.
I won't
post a link to it; Sony's lawyers are
already on the case, but if you Google
it, you'll find it.
Just
a fucking amazing album. Stupid-ass
Sony.
In one
of his orchestrated town halls, President
Bush thought he'd load the guest list
with Federal employees already enjoying
the "benefits" of the Thrift
Savings Plan, in other words, private
investments. Well, it didn't go quite
as well as Bush planned. The best part
is the last bit.
Excerpt
from Whitehouse.gov:
THE PRESIDENT: Let
me ask you something about the Thrift
Savings Plan. This is a Thrift Savings
Plan that has a mix of stocks and
bonds?
MS. WEBSTER: Yes, sir.
THE PRESIDENT: Now,
how hard was that to learn how to
do that?
MS. WEBSTER: And I
chose the safe plan, government bonds.
(Laughter.)
THE PRESIDENT: That's
all right. Well, not so safe, unless
we fix the deficit. But other than
that -- (laughter).
Senior
GOP senators and reps have apparently realized that
cutting the legs out from under their
base, i.e. Red States, is probably
a bad idea. So instead, they're going
to fuck the poor and cut THEIR programs
instead.
Move afoot to cut food programs
for poor
Offered as alternative to Bush plan
to reduce farm subsidies
The Associated Press
Updated: 10:08 p.m. ET March 11,
2005
WASHINGTON - Cuts in food programs
for the poor are getting support
in Congress as an alternative to
President Bush’s idea of slicing
billions of dollars from the payments
that go to large farm operations.
Senior Republicans in both the House
and Senate are open to small reductions
in farm subsidies, but they adamantly
oppose the deep cuts sought by Bush
to hold down future federal deficits.
Yet more great links added to the blogroll
up top. Check 'em out.
::Permalink::
Posted 10:20pm
pst, Sunday, March 6, 2005
The
GOP's Trojan Horse
Tomorrow
(Monday, March 7, 2005), Rick Santorum
(Republican, Pennsylvania) is sponsoring
a bill to raise the national minimum
wage by $1.10. Sounds pretty good right?
Except
it's a Trojan Horse.
Under
Santorum's new bill, businesses with
revenues of less than a million bucks
would be exempt. Not just exempt from
the wage hike, but exempt from ANY
minimum wage. 6.8 million businesses
would be affected, creating a nation
of sweatshops free from any sort of
government protection. Untold millions
of workers would lose the guarantee
of a minimum wage.
It gets
worse.
Businesses
grossing under $7 million would be
exempt from fines, safety, health,
pension and other labor laws.
Oh yeah,
Santorum's bill would kill the 40-hour
work week, thus eliminating overtime
pay. It would also ban states from
requiring employers to pay tipped workers
with a guaranteed wage. Employers could
pay tipped workers nothing and force
them to live off tips.
Economic
Policy Institute has a full report on
Santorum's bullshit plan.
So essentially,
Santorum's bill would raise the national
minimum wage, but exempt small businesses
from even having one. Furthermore,
it would actually BAN states from creating
their own minimum wage laws.
Nice
try Rick. So you not only want to dismantle
Social Security, you want to do away
with worker's rights altogether.
What
an asshole.
The most
fucked up discussion about privatization
I've heard went something like this:
Some Senator, can't remember which
one, lamented the privatization dilemma
by saying, "It's hard to reconcile
what the president wants and what the
people want."
Huh?
To me,
there's no contest. The voters elected
you to represent THEM, NOT Bush. It's
time for these jerks to get their heads
screwed on right. No one is saying
SS is fine; they're saying it needs
reform... not dismantling.
The right's
entire argument for the last 30 years
is that SS has done it's job and it
needs to be done away with. That's
a load of crap. It's one of the best
programs to ever come out of the government
and a great way to ensure that American
citizens have a safety net when they
retire.
Notice
I called it a safety net and not a
retirement fund. That is a misconception.
In theory SS is supplemental income
to the savings you've socked away throughout
your life. It's the safety net you
can rely on, say if you presonal investments
don't work out. That way, you can still
get by.
How ironic
then that Bush wants to put everyone's
retirement fallback into a highly risky
private investment account.
Added
a couple of new links to the Blogroll
on the top left. Check out the Andrew
Report and Jay Says, a couple of
ad guy buddies of mine who started
blogs last month. Worth your time.
::Permalink::
