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Posted
10:06pm,
Tuesday, December 24, 2002
'Twas
the Night Before Christmas
I've come to the
realization that the holidays is all about doing stuff
you don't want to do. I guess that I should have realized
this by now, but it didn't really hit me until I became
a home owner.
I
can't stand the thought of driving around a shopping
mall parking lot looking for parking. I start shopping
for Christmas in January. I use eBay, Amazon, wherever
I happen to spy cool stuff. Then I hide it all in my
closet until December.
Then
the wrapping. I don't mind spending money on gifts,
but sitting in the living room, spending a vacation
day wrapping presents sucks.
And
how many fucking holiday dinners can a person have?
First
there's Thanksgiving time. Wednesday night with the
in-laws. Thursday night at my folks. Saturday night
at my house and Sunday with the Aunt.
Then
the Christmas dinners. Last Saturday at my sister-in-laws.
Christmas at my house. Sunday at my parents. As if that
weren't enough, I got roped into a New Year's Day dinner
at the in-laws again.
Bah,
humbug!
With
a couple of days off, I did manage to sneak in my favorite
holiday pastime yesterday... movies. One of my finest
holiday memories was when I was a freelancer. One December
week, I saw eight movies in seven days.
Yesterday,
I went to a multiplex at 9:30am and saw both "Gangs
of New York" and "Lord of the Rings: The Two
Towers."
Who
has the cajones I have to sit through TWO three hour
epics in a row? I bought my large Coke with free refills
and went to work.
I
finished those 32 ounces during the first two hours
of "Gangs" and spent the last 45 minutes holding
it in. I proceeded directly to the Men's room and took
a piss that rivaled the piss Animal took in "Revenge
of the Nerds, part II."
I
decided to skip the free refill for "Rings,"
but by the time the commercials and previews were over,
I had to go again. I spent the next 3 hours holding
it in. Again.
I
got out of the theater at 5:30pm. And went straight
to the Men's room. Again.
Tonight
I received a touching holiday e-mail with the subject
line as follows: "Christmas anal defloration for
mr Ron"
The
e-mail goes on to read: "Little-Bitchs: Only Exclusive
Young Girls (Hardcore/Anal/Blowjob Pics and MPEG Video)."
You'd
think they'd at least spell bitches right.
Merry
Christmas.
Posted
10:50pm,
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
Working
late
Today
I asked a coworker what time she went home last night. She
replied 11pm. I answered, “Not bad.” Then I
caught myself.
Is
this what business has come to? When leaving the office
at 11pm is considered “not bad”? Has our fucked
up economy driven us to depths of fear so great that working
insane hours has become part of normal practice?
I
have a pocketful of cab receipts I need to expense from
nights working late. I think twice about processing the
paperwork. What will the president say when he sees my expense
report for over $100 in taxi receipts? Will he commend me
for being a hard worker… or, the more likely scenario,
blast me for spending so much on taxis?
Whatever.
I have expense reports to file.
Speaking
of taxi rides…
My
usual fare home (since my recent move) is around $20. Last
night, I got a crazy, speed-demon cab driver. He was flying
over the San Francisco hills like Steve McQueen.
My
ass left the seat on more than one occasion. He even apologized
for getting us airborne. I felt my teeth rattle. I considered
putting my wallet in my mouth to prevent myself from biting
my tongue off.
He
dodged in and out of traffic. He drove places where no car
was intended to be. He made illegal turns.
The
total fare was $15.40.
I’m
sure a lot of you work at an office. Every office has attractive
women (well, most of them). And in these groups of attractive
women, there’s always one who’s particularly
unfriendly.
You
know the one. You say hi, she ignores you. You smile good
morning; she glances your way and moves on.
I
was talking to some guys at the office and the subject of
the unfriendly hot girl came up. “You mean the one
who never smiles?” And one of us articulated the reason
we each were thinking.
The
secret world of babes.
When
you’re a hot girl and have grown up attractive and
get hit on your entire life, you must develop a cold front;
a veneer that says, “I’m unapproachable…
stay away.” It must be some defense mechanism to repel
unsavory suitors.
Unfortunately,
this wall of protection also pushes away people who have
absolutely no interest in you as an object of desire. Not
everyone wants you. Some of us men are just being good neighbors.
(Right....)
::Permalink::
©2002
Ron Lim unless noted
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2006
5.06
4.06
3.06
2.06
1.06
2005
12.05
11.05
10.05
9.05
8.05
7.05
6.05
5.05
4.05
3.05
2.05
1.05
2004
12.04
11.04
10.04
9.04
8.04
7.04
6.04
5.04
4.04
3.04
2.04
1.04
2003
12.03
11.03
10.03
9.03
8.03
7.03
6.03
4.03
3.03
2.03
1.03
2002
12.02
11.02
10.02
9.02
8.02
7.02
OLDER
Pulp
Fiction
9-11-01
KEYWORDS:
Ron Lim, Ron W. Lim, blog, art direction, advertising, photographs,
illustration, Spider-man, Amazing Fantasy
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